Dear Bachelor Season #17 I WENT TO SCHOOL WITH THAT GIRL

8 Jan

I watch the Bachelor. I’d say this confession ranks up there on the shame-level for me with throwing up in public– which actually I’ve done — Let’s move on.

I haven’t watched the first episode yet– I’ll watch it tonight with my friends– we like to DVR it and watch it later so we can fast-forward through all the boring parts. It’s much shorter that way. But I can tell you this:

I know a girl on the show this season. I went to school with her K-12. That’s 13 years, you guys. Catherine Guidici! Good luck! 

CATHERINE

Yes. I can’t really explain why this show suddenly became so much more exciting now that I know someone on it. My level of emotional investment is disproportionate to how well I actually know Catherine. 

This is my favorite (and only) anecdote:

My high school football team sucked. You know that old joke, “Our football team doesn’t have a drinking problem…It’s that our drinking team has a football problem.” Yeah. 

So Catherine was a cheerleader, obviously, I’m pretty sure you have to be a former cheerleader to be on the Bachelor, and it so happened that our junior year a new cheer coach took over and remade our cheer team into a much more competitive stunt-based squad, who won their competitions much more often than our football team did.

And part of the cheer squad’s training was that– wait for it– at the football games, they did push-ups every time the other team scored. By the end of football season, they were in pretty badass shape. 

So we’re in chemistry class one day and it’s game day, so the cheerleaders are in uniform and the football players are wearing their jerseys with their jeans. And someone must’ve been teasing– we’ll call him WM, who played– god I don’t know, he was sort of short and stocky, maybe a tackle? Anyone want to help me out?– about the team’s record, and Catherine maybe threw down about how she was sick of doing push-ups?

The upshot being that Catherine challenged WM to arm wrestle.

Ms. Schwentor, our chemistry teacher, was always interested in seeing our jock-based social hierarchy topple a little, so she didn’t exactly step in to stop it. I think she helped pull the desks together and held their hands steady while counting down.

Catherine won.

I’m hoping she repeats the performance with Sean. Although he looks like he could arm wrestle an elephant and win. 

MAYBE SHE CAN JUST WIN HIS HEART INSTEAD. BUT REALLY IT’S ABOUT THE JOURNEY, YOU GUYS. I JUST HOPE S/HE’S THERE FOR THE RIGHT REASONS. YOU JUST CAN’T STOP BELIEVING IN LOVE NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOUR HEART IS BROKEN YOU LOSE THE REALITY TV SHOW GAME. 

God I’m so excited. I hope she takes them all. This doesn’t mean I want Catherine to win. No, no. Picture this: what if she comes in second or third and gets to be the BACHELORETTE on the next season?!? 

That’s what I’m rooting for. That’s what we all should be rooting for.

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One Response to “Dear Bachelor Season #17 I WENT TO SCHOOL WITH THAT GIRL”

  1. Christi 13 March 2013 at 5:21 pm #

    That’s pretty cool!

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