Dear Movember

1 Nov

This was originally posted on November 17, 2011. I’m reposting it today because it’s once again Movember and ugh.

Dear Movember,

It’s that time of year again, when men indulge their secret desire to look like creeps from the 1970′s even though it is no longer socially acceptable for them to behave in corresponding creepy ways.

So now they grow mustaches, leer inappropriately under the guise of “irony,” and defend it in the name of a good cause. Political correctness is great.

Let’s pretend that Movember and its most visible cause– prostate cancer– is the male equivalent of the marketing push behind breast cancer (they’re not direct inverses, obviously, but bear with me for a second).

So one of the ways breast cancer funding is marketed is through this whole “boobs are sexy; let’s save ‘em” thing. While I like my boobs, and I want them to be healthy, and I don’t disagree that they’re sexy, I still feel like this campaign is a very concerted effort to get men to care about breast cancer. Which is fine. Men should care about breast cancer. This is also manifested in the idea that most breast lumps are found by women’s partners…so get involved in catching breast cancer early by coping a feel of your lady’s ladylumps (really, do it). (“This isn’t for me, baby, I swear, it’s all for you. It’s a hard-on for health.“)

AND THEN in the other corner of the ring, we’ve got Movember! And prostate cancer! Wherein guys….grow mustaches. I took a poll, and it turns out this is something guys like and women don’t. So let’s call it an indulgence on their part. It’s their health issue, their gender’s health month, so ok. And then in an attempt to include women in this mission, Movember advocates “Have Sex with a Guy with a Mustache” day:

Awwwww so sweet! OH WAIT. I feel like this isn’t really for women, actually. I feel like it’s for the dudes with mustaches, whose sex lives have suddenly dropped off with the advent of Movember.

So let me get this straight:

1) To fight cancer, men get to feel women’s boobs and grow mustaches.

2) Whereas women have even more focus on their breasts (can be great but not the pleasure center, dudes), have to see guys in mustaches, and “get” to have sex with guys with mustaches. Which by the way does nothing to prevent cancer. Just in case some guy tries to tell you that, ladies—it’s not true.

3) Women need to get men involved in the campaign against breast cancer—need their support so badly (financially, emotionally, psychologically, politically, socially?)—that the entire marketing strategy revolves primarily around drawing men to the cause. (I maintain “boobs are hot” is not designed primarily for women. By the way, should we talk about saving the woman who has the breasts? No? Oh ok my bad.)

4) Whereas the marketing to get funding for men’s health issues involves growingmustaches and encouraging women to have sex with guys with mustaches. As in, this does not actually show a concern for drawing women to the campaign through something that appeals to them. AT ALL. DOES NOT APPEAL TO THEM AT ALL. As in, men don’t seem to need women to support their health care cause.


Why doesn’t Movember include an educational component of “how to check your man for prostate cancer”? I don’t know that this is really for women, either, but it would at least make sense. It, sort of like Samantha on Sex in the City, would advocate sticking your finger up your man’s rectum.

As the video above would say: “It’s for health, baby…I’m fighting that asshole, cancer.” Or you could also say: “that asshole cancer.”

Punctuation is my favorite.



PS—Also this is a very heterosexual-relationship focused post because the campaigns are that way.

PPS—I support funding for health research for almost all issues. Except the boner ones. I think we can all agree we’ve sucked that one dry      flooded the market       raised awareness      opened the floodgates       tipped the fulcrum       it’s no longer no country for old men       oh screw it. (Literally, you can now.)


3 Responses to “Dear Movember”

  1. Sara 1 November 2012 at 2:16 pm #

    Was that Emily McCombs?

    I don’t understand the Movember concept, I can admit that freely. I also don’t understand why so much of breast cancer ‘awareness’ focuses on breasts. I would really love to see an add about it that didn’t have ‘save the ta-ta’s’ written over a woman’s full, large, rounded breasts. Mastectomies happen, scars happen, and I think that by sexualizing breast cancer, we’re minimalizing the experience of women that have had mastectomies and making it seem like your cancer is only worth paying attention to as long as there are breasts attached to it.

    Which is related but not completely on topic.

    Awesome post!

  2. lb (@loudtalknliquor) 2 November 2012 at 1:18 pm #

    Fair points. But I will say that one of the primary goals of Movember is to get guys to consider going to the Dr. to get their bits checked out. I don’t think it is something you can easily ask your partner to do. The mustaches stick out, they are just meant to be a conversation starter. And something to rally the troops around for fundraising for research on prostate cancer. I get that you don’t like them though – most of us don’t, which is why we only do it for one month a year

    • MM 4 November 2012 at 10:26 am #

      I was joking about the home medical exam!

      I really need to put a liability disclaimer on this blog. “Anything you read here is not substantiated legal or medical advice…any injuries incurred as a result of reading this blog are the responsibility of the responsible party…please consult your physician before attempting any risky activities…I cannot diagnose your cancer over the internet…”

      I’m sure you look appropriately devilish with a mustache, lb!

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