Dear Girls Who Wear Boots & Shorts

14 Aug

Why are boots & shorts together such a skanky look? Something about boots & shorts just screams hot-to-trot. Is it because of Daisy Dukes?

Is that it? That is one powerful pair of cut-off shorts. I mean, really. Just impressive. I hope that’s in the zeitgeist hall of fame. At the top of denim’s resume. Shortlisted for a Nobel.

Next in line to be a UN Ambassador, right after La Jolie finishes her reign.

Boots. Shorts. Shorts. Boots. Boots & shorts. Puss & boots. Shorts are for the summer months. Boots are for the winter months.

(Somehow boots & skirts/dresses just don’t have quite that same RAWR factor, you know?)

Because I know I’m at my sexiest when I’m wearing stinky socks and my feet have been sweating all day.

I mean, really, what do you do? Say an assignation arises. (You can judge the chances of that happening to me based on my vocabulary.)

Spur of the moment! Tiger go time! Game face! Nekkid!

What do you do? Go to the bathroom. Take off your boots and socks. Put them…where? Leave them there for him to find later? Flush the evidence. Now you have no socks. How will you ever put the boots back on? The toilet clogs. There’s no plunger. You drop a towel over the mess. Wash your feet. Then run back screaming I’M READY FOR SEXYTIME NOW! STINKY NO LONGER! BEAST ME!

I’m sort of known for my moves. If you couldn’t tell.


The girl who wrote the fashion post for this says that pairing boots with shorts can be “fun and unexpected”! But beware! “Another important thing to think about is how tall of a heel your boots have. A sky-high pair of over-the-knee boots with a pair of short-shorts might looks reminiscent of Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman.” OH NO. WHATEVER CAN SHE MEAN.


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