Dear Melissa McCarthy and Jenny McCarthy Are First Cousins, Did You Know That? I Did Not.

8 Jun

DID YOU KNOW THAT THESE TWO ARE FIRST COUSINS?

I miss that haircut, don’t you? Let’s bring it back.
(from Snakkle: “From Charlie’s Angels to Bridesmaids, Snakkle Looks Back At Emmy-Winner Melissa McCarthy’s Amazing Career”)

Ok ok, so I’ve been reading a lot of celebrity gossip lately, you wanna come at me, bro?

Just imagine their family Thanksgivings! Jenny McCarthy will be all warrior mother, explaining how vaccines are Satan but silicone is God (which, I can’t even, for god’s sakes, by the way, if you’re in Seattle, there’s an epidemic of whooping cough and whooping cough is Satan, and even if you were vaccinated as a child, it turns out the vaccine wears off, and all these adults are getting it because people aren’t vaccinating their children for it anymore, so you should go get re-immunized, maybe today, because I had it four years ago (I’m an overachiever) and I pulled four rib muscles from coughing and let me tell you, when you pull four rib muscles from coughing and then you keep coughing for months after that, you just continually re-tear those same muscles and one night I ended up in the emergency room because I thought I’d punctured a lung, I was in so much pain). (That doesn’t even get into the rumors regarding the link between vaccines and autism, and that’s what they are, rumors, which that dumb not-a-doctor, not-a-scientist, not-a-researcher Jenny McCarthy keeps spouting off about, but like I said, I can’t even, so I won’t.)

So Jenny McCarthy is sitting there next to the turkey with her gobbles out, telling some poor hapless relative about her excellent parenting skills as exhibited on the Howard Stern show and also Two and a Half Men:

Look at those honkers.
(from Giftopia)

And then Melissa McCarthy will walk in and do this:

“I miss Jim Carrey! Efffffffffffffff.”
(from The Time I Was a Fashion Blogger)

And everyone will cheer. And then drown their giggles in their wine glasses.

love,

MM

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