Dear Star Wars Day

4 May

I would say something about Star Wars Day– most popular seems to be “May the Fourth” be with you– but I haven’t seen most of the movies. And by that I mean I’ve seen one.

This is totally me:

Look, it’s really hard to get into at this point. I don’t have any emotional or psychological attachment to it, and the visual effects are terrible, and the acting is worse. And we’re supposed to buy this romance thing? And that flimsy brother-sister plot device they created when they realized NO ONE thought Luke was appealing as a romantic lead so they had to throw up an obstacle and put Han-no-s Solo in that (sexual) position? WHAT IS WITH THE HAIR.

Of course, I spent the whole time watching the one movie I have seen going, “OHHHHHHH.” Right? The cultural references are so pervasive. I felt like I was watching a parody of the original. Like there was a movie that everyone loves and quotes all the time, so much so that someone went ahead and remade it, awkwardly sticking in a list of “most quoted” moments in a complete caricature of itself.

I could note here that I also didn’t see ET or Donnie Darko as a child and I stinkin’ loved those movies when I finally saw them.

I’d make fun of it more but a) it’s hard to mock things you haven’t seen and b) I don’t want you guys burning down my house. You can yell at me now. I’ll just turn up the volume on Buffy and you can let me know when it’s over. Does it make it better or worse that I also haven’t seen Star Trek but I’ve seen both Galaxy Quest and Spaceballs?

MM

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