Hey Komen

3 Feb

Hey Komen!

I bought a pair of pink shoes the other day, but since I know you like to sue people with boobs who wear the color pink, and you like to deny health services to women, and I’m on what some might call an active campaign to stay “cancer-free” and also “educated” and also “with all parts in working order,” I thought I’d return the shoes and donate the money to Planned Parenthood instead.

Aw, guys, I just want you to know that even though you issued a statement that had a lot of words in it, I don’t believe you. I don’t believe your leadership doesn’t have a political agenda, and I don’t believe you weren’t lobbied by pro-life groups anti-women groups to defund PP in the first place. I don’t believe anything has changed, except maybe next time you’ll attempt to do things a bit more quietly. And maybe you’ll start flirting with Zuckerburg in the hopes that he “accidentally” deletes any posts about your organization on FB.

And once again– as always when I talk about PP– I’d like to point out that not only do they offer breast-cancer screenings— which is what your money, Komen, goes towards— they also offer PREGNANCY and NEONATAL care.

/sarcasm/ Those bastards over at PP are so confusing! Are they for life or against it or what! I just can’t keep track! /end sarcasm/

Also I thought I’d say here, because there seems to be some confusion in this country, that PP as well as hospitals, care clinics, and other health service organizations of all shapes and sizes offer abortion services because abortion is LEGAL and therefore people women don’t have to die in back alleys with hangers up their hoo-has.

You can call me a crazy liberal if you want, and I’ll say “thank you!” but let’s back it up for a minute and consider that WOMEN are neither Democrats nor Republicans (I was raised to believe they were human beings and as a side benefit, they got to be citizens), and therefore maybe their bodies should quit being kicked around the political arena like Mitt Romney kicks around $10,000 bets.

You hear a lot that politicians have dirtied their hands at some time or another…I just want those dirty hands out of my panties and away from my cha-chas, ok? I prefer people to have washed up before they get that close.

For closing arguments, I give you George Carlin. [NSFW] (Does that even need to be said once I say “George Carlin”?)


Speaking of comedians, about a month ago I watched whatshisdoodle– Bill O’Reilly– complain about why all the late-night shows make fun of the Republican candidates and not Obama. His expert guest had counted how many jokes on late-night were about Obama versus anyone else (which intern got that assignment?) and there were something like 3 times as many jokes about Obama.

So Bill O’Reilly said, essentially, “Those are different, those are affectionate.” Awww. So cute when he gets petulant! Doesn’t he know feelings-based arguments are the territory of the hippies? Then he made his real point, which was that only liberals are given late-night shows.

I kept waiting for the expert guest to ask him why, if they care so much, conservatives don’t try to be funnier.



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