Dear Time and Space Travel

7 Jul

Dear Time and Space Travel,

I went to Washington, DC for the 4th of July weekend. This is the second time I’ve been to the east coast this year, and the fourth time I’ve been in my life. Let me tell you about them, because boy howdy, am I from the west coast. And no, I can’t figure out whether east/west/coast should be capitalized, so I’m not going to capitalize any of them, because my shift key isn’t working quite right and that’s democracy at its finest.

The first: we went on a college tour for my older sister. I was twelve. We spent a week, I think, and went from Brown to UVA. Impressions: Brown is pretty, Tufts has really green lawns, New York is hot, Georgetown is gray and not actually part of Washington, DC and I’m not convinced I set foot in DC although I’m told we went and saw a museum or something although knowing my family it’s quite possible we did not in fact tour anything that might have required getting ensnared in traffic or long lines, and UVA, in person, looks like a brochure. Their college students look like cardboard cutouts of people wearing polo shirts. I don’t remember the other schools we saw. Mostly I have an impression of sitting on an endless low concrete wall with my dad and staring blankly while my mom and sister went on tours and actually looked around and stuff.

My parents, living on the west coast and liking our family the way they do, had taken us in August, in a blatant attempt to boil any desire to go to the east coast out of my sister. Their plan was foiled when we hit an unseasonably cool (and therefore impressively pleasant) week of weather. I’m pretty sure I still whined my pants off, but they tell me it was under 90 degrees the whole time with low humidity. (I can hear the east coasters gasping now.) …Anyway, my sister went to Berkeley, thus solidly ruining any chance she will ever wear a polo shirt in her life.

The second time I went to the east coast was two years ago when I visited UMass Amherst when I was considering going to grad school there. The highlight of that trip was landing in the Hartford airport and seeing a giant billboard that said, “Hartford…it’s happening now.” I was like, WAIT. RIGHT NOW?!? What about later? What about before? No? AS WE SPEAK, HARTFORD IS HAPPENING. Besides that, I ate at a Dunkin’ Donuts (my first), had some vegan Thai food, was really really cold the whole time, and went bowling…two towns over. I was also told that certain writers there get through the winter by going down to the (frozen) river and drinking whiskey until they fall asleep and hoping they wake up with all their toes still attached. I was like, “SOUNDS FUN BUT.” I didn’t even bother to finish the sentence. Also I don’t like whiskey.

Therefore two trips to the east coast in the span of six months is a new thing for me, and what’s more, I’m going back in a week and a half. Just in case you’re starting to feel yell-y about how clearly I hadn’t given the east coast a real chance, east coasters, untwist your panties, because I know. You’re right. But stick with me, because I actually saw some things and ate some things on trips #3 and #4.

So the rest of this week, come back for more vague impressions concerning the third trip and more detailed impressions about the fourth trip, possible explanations for why our nation’s capital did not, in fact, throw the biggest birthday party for America ever, why vuvuzelas are the devil’s horns and teenagers ought to be slapped upside the head (actually, you probably get the whole picture right there), and perhaps also declarative statements of how many times I managed to say the words “time and space” this past weekend (hint: more than 5).

lovezelas,

MM

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2 Responses to “Dear Time and Space Travel”

  1. Katie 15 July 2011 at 1:52 pm #

    True story. i don’t own any polo shirts and believe I would be actively uncomfortable wearing one.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Dear Doing Tourist Things « Dear Mr. Postman - 4 August 2011

    […] I had to take myself to see the nation’s Capitol this year. We went once before and my parents swear that saw the memorials and the reflecting pool and the mall— by saying […]

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