Dear Osama bin Laden on Facebook

2 May

Dear Osama bin Laden on Facebook,

As Mark Twain said, “I’ve never wished a man dead, but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure.”

I loved Obama’s speech— loved that he took credit for the mission and made it clear that it was not only under his watch, but also was completely controlled by him and the result of his good decision-making, loved that he reminded us peace with Parkistan was integral to the success of the mission, loved that he drew firm distinctions between Osama bin Laden and the rest of the Islamic world. I loved the silent, still walk-away down the hallway. It’s about time the Democrats figured out how to talk about their achievements in clear-cut ways with bold statements and dramatic visual rhetoric (nerd alert).

But I don’t particularly like jingoism. Ever. It makes me nervous. I hate chants of “America, fuck yeah!” I always feel like the tar and feathers can’t be far behind.

But I also don’t like this quote from a Salon article that’s all over FB: “When we lose the sadness part — when all we do is happily scream ‘USA! USA! USA!’ at news of yet more killing in a now unending back-and-forth war — it’s a sign we may be inadvertently letting the monsters win.” I mean…anyone else see something spectacularly wrong with using the word “monsters” in the middle of this lesson about compassion?

Anyway. It’s important to acknowledge the significance of completing something we thought was important enough to dedicate the efforts of two presidents and countless soldiers to. I’m just not sure Facebook is meant to be all things at all times, you know?

I do like this friend’s FB post: “Phew, now I can get back to living my life to its fullest, without fear or compromise, head down and charging through the world with my medium sized American cock swinging between my legs!”

….Thanks, Shane, for saying all that needs saying.

So. I’ll see you in two days, Facebook, when you’re back to information about relationship statuses, the weather, sports, and what people are eating. And by the way— can you make a page that’s solely relationship status updates? Because that– that I think we can all get behind.


P.S. Shoutout to the fact that Obama’s special report cut into the Celebrity Apprentice! Oh, The Donald. You’ve had a hard week, haven’t you? Maybe take a vacation. Someplace without internet or telephones. Maybe you should just go stand next to these guys. You just *might* look better in comparison. No promises.


2 Responses to “Dear Osama bin Laden on Facebook”

  1. elizabeth 2 May 2011 at 4:19 pm #

    i like the sound of this shane fellow.


  1. Dear White House Correspondents’ Dinner « Dear Mr. Postman - 30 April 2012

    […] last year, we found out that while he smiled through the WHCD, he had men on the way to kill Osama Bin Laden. Because, according to this Los Angeles Times article, last night he wasn’t so sure about […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: