Dear “Bachelors”

28 Apr

Dear “Bachelors,”

At what age is it appropriate to begin to refer to yourself as a “bachelor”?

Or does this have nothing to do with age? Is it solely mindset? Why do you think this is a good thing to call yourself and how do you say it with a straight face?

I ask because a friend just posted on Facebook:

You may or may not be a bachelor when you get home from a jog, hungry, and after looking in your fridge to make dinner, your best option is a peanut butter sandwich.

And while yes, indeed, this may or may not make you a bachelor (although I’m pretty sure he’s implying that it does, in fact, make you a bachelor), the greater question for me is whether a 26 year-old should be referring to himself as a bachelor.

HEAVENS YOU AREN’T MARRIED YET? DEAR GOD MAN MIGHT AS WELL BUY A CREEPY LEOPARD PRINT LAMP.

Or something like that.

When I was twenty and in college, I was talking to a dear and preposterous friend online (also 20 years of age) who had just been dumped. He oh-so-philosophically said (yes, you guessed it):

Oh, well. I guess it’s back to the bachelor life for me.

And I very kindly refrained from saying, YOU MEAN EATING PIZZA BY YOURSELF AND NOT GETTING ANY? IS THAT WHAT WE’RE CALLING IT NOW?

Whatever happened to using the word “single”? Also, whatever happened to peanut butter and jelly sandwiches being awesome? And how many of you in relationships also sometimes struggle with what to eat for dinner and an empty fridge?

Are we mixing up significant others for magic-fridge-stocking-elves?

(Does that exist and I’ll take two please, in case the one breaks.)

Love,

MM

P.S. What is my “swinging female” phrase? Spinster? Cougar? Puma? (That’s a young cougar, for those of you who don’t know the lingo, but I think I’m even younger than that, so…)

If I call myself a “bachelorette” everyone will just think I’m on that TV show. And I’m not. (NOT YET.)

Advertisements

2 Responses to “Dear “Bachelors””

  1. Brendan Cavalier 28 April 2011 at 2:30 pm #

    Classically Bachelor has meant a single, well educated, decently groomed, man. A man who is unattached by choice, not by circumstance. Its evolved into something else. I would not describe myself as a Bachelor in the modern or classic sense, however I understand what your friend means.
    For him, and for most of us, its not that when you’re a ‘Bachelor’ that you eat PB&Js, and when your in a relationship you don’t. Its that when your a single man living alone, Peanut butter, stale sourdough bread, mustard, and dusty plates are all you have in your kitchen.
    I, for one love PB&Js … all the time. But when I’ve been in relationships, I tend to feel like I’ve got to go a step or two beyond that when making a meal for my significant other. Its that primal provider thing I think. Consequently, when I’m in a relationship I tend to have more options when I look in the fridge. So I will make myself a PB&J on toasted potato bread, Whole Foods crunchy PB, and preserves … that actually sounds really good, wanna hit whole foods?
    That’s the ‘Bachelor’ lifestyle, getting ready for the day at 7PM hung over, eating top ramen because you are to lazy to go to the store to get anything other than video games, and having a pile of clean and dirty laundry no where near where you do laundry or keep your clothes normally.
    Bachelorhood has somehow devolved from a post under-grad singlehood, to a slovenly debauched state filled with costco bricks of cheese and inebriated Call of Duty sessions well into the night. It might just be that ‘Bachelor’ sounds classier/less depressing that ‘Single’ right after you’ve been dumped.
    As far as your plight of what archaic term to call yourself being an unattached female … I’d go with: Provocateur. No real reason, I just like how it sounds.

    I don’t really think I answered any of your questions … but good luck with finding your answers.

    Brendan

    P.S. Animal prints have very few places in the home … none of them are furniture. A leopard print lamp makes me want to vomit.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Dear “Bachelors”: A Follow-Up « Dear Mr. Postman - 29 April 2011

    […] I’m starting to get huffy. Following this letter, a debate raged (trickled) on FB regarding the appropriate definition of the word […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: