Archive | March, 2011

Dear All

24 Mar

Dear All,

Apologies. I was too busy turning a birthday yesterday to write anything. And isn’t that lovely.

And now I am headed to the East Coast for ten days, where it is snowing and thundering and maybe thundersnowing (which CANNOT be real).

I’ll see you the first week of April. Let’s meet here, no?




Dear Things I Like on the Internet

20 Mar

So. There are no words for this weekend except these: I went dancing, someone smashed my fender in a hit and run, I had my annual spring allergic reaction to alcohol, and—– brunch. Golly. Moving on.

I think this baby is probably fake. Yet SO AWESOME. Those eyes! [You Tube]

And anyone who has ever gone to Karoake with me has been petitioned to sing the song Come On, Eileen. Next time I’m going to ask someone to do this mash-up with LL Cool J instead. I think it’ll go well. (I don’t sing myself, and trust me, you like it that way.)

This is the whitest break-down of Regulate and it is so good to read. Miss you, Nate.

Most of the rest of the Internet this week is worried about Japan. Which is good and worthy, but I don’t like it. I mean— I hate disasters, not the concern we feel over them or the rescue efforts associated with them. Sending thoughts and prayers.

Quiet Sunday food and smooth jazz,


Dear Spring (and also making out)

18 Mar

Dear Spring (and also making out)

I live in San Diego, which means the weather doesn’t really change from season to season. Still, there’s definitely been a shift in the last two weeks. We went back on (or off? I don’t know) daylight savings time, and now it’s light out when I get done with class, which makes me want to go drink fancy cocktails on some porch overlooking the ocean every night. I don’t because:

A) there aren’t actually that many places to do that in San Diego, and

B) liver.

And there are flowers blooming.

What’s amazing to me is how internal seasonal shifts are. Even though the temperature hasn’t changed drastically, I know it’s spring, because I’ve been feeling slightly crazy (stir crazy and otherwise) and a little bit antsy, and generally unable to concentrate or sit still or care about the thing that’s in front of me. I’m like, Can we barbecue? What about the park? Who wants to go to the park? An open window! Let me look out it! Oooh, colors (in the sky, in that dress, on my shoes, over there).

Also I have this urge to make some bad decisions. Spring quarter at my undergraduate college usually involved convincing our professors to let us have class outside, napping on the quad for an absurd number of hours, refusing to wear coats when it was definitely still cold outside, eating ice cream, playing beach volleyball on the random court that was on our campus— and oh yeah, getting involved with someone I normally would not have thought was a good idea to get involved with.

Like the red-headed Jewish friend-of-a-friend I made out with twice before he “dumped” me while he was high on 4/20. I rolled my eyes. We weren’t dating. I had just been planning to ignore him the next time he called me instead of having a whole “talk.” (Boys are more dramatic than girls are.) He followed up by asking if he could still come to the party my roommates were throwing that night. I so did not even care about the whole thing that I said yes.

Or the guy in my Tupac class (yeah, I took a class on Tupac) who just straight-up never called me back one night. Literally. School ended, he left on a road trip, I found out I had mono and didn’t go to Europe because I wasn’t allowed to fly in case various of my internal organs spontaneously combusted, he came back and I called him and told him about the mono (I am responsible, y’all). He said, “Oh, that sucks. No, I feel fine. I’ll come take you out for ice cream.” Then he said, “Hang on, my friend’s calling, I’ll call you right back.” AND HE NEVER DID. I’m pretty sure he’s still alive. Although I suppose I don’t know that for sure.

There was the nineteen-year-old Mormon (I was 21), who was being a really bad Mormon, because we first kissed when we were drunk at a party. (I SAID, I WAS 21, MOM.) He’d just broken up with a girlfriend, who was in high school (see: people I wouldn’t normally think it was a good idea to get involved with). Shortly thereafter, he spent a whole night arguing with me about how my major was “bullshit” because “no one knows what your acronym stands for and everyone knows what ME stands for, therefore my work is more valid than yours” while I made chocolate chip cookies and tried to turn the music up loud enough to drown out my own impulse to argue with such inanity. That ended on Cinco de Mayo, when he said he was going to hang out with his buddies and would call me later. He never did. I didn’t follow up. I yelled about it for a second though.


I’d list more, but then you guys would think I’m a slut.

Speaking of which, who wants to go make out on the grass?* IT’S SPRING AND IT SMELLS NICE OUTSIDE.



*This is not a real offer. Stay away, creepers.

Dear Life Decisions

16 Mar

Dear Life Decisions,

I don’t want to brag (but I’m going to). I’m one of the rare writers / poets / what-have-you’s with excellent time management skills. Or I’m efficient, which allows me to waste time. Or I don’t have enough work to do. Hard to say.

The thing is, I’m in graduate school, and I blog, and I sometimes try to make dinner and work out. I’m taking an extra class this semester, but I’m not teaching. I do organize the student-portion of the reading series at my graduate school, and I answer. or delete. every. single. one. of. my. emails.

Yes, you heard that right. And I don’t have a smart phone.

I think my point is, my life looks a lot like what “work from home” or “work for yourself” people’s lives look like. Which means it looks pretty sweet, except I probably work more hours than I give myself credit for, and oh yeah, here’s a way it’s different—  I don’t get paid for any of it.

(Graduate school is a SCAM, PEOPLE, and it’s LOVELY, GET YOURSELVES TO IT.) I go to class for three hours a day, three days a week. And the rest of the time I read and I write and I look at the Internet and run my life and I learn things.

I also know people who are working full-time or raising families (or doing both) while in graduate school, and all I can really say is that I’m impressed. And there are graduate programs that demand much more time of their students (like my sister, who has a group project due every single week— eeeeeeek, and theater programs that schedule six hour studio intensive four days a week, and you know, medical school).

Being a born and dyed-to-the-wool overachiever, I often feel like I don’t do enough. In addition, school has this annoying habit of assigning more work before you’re even done with the other work– as in, your to-do list is never clear, your weekends are never free from homework, you could keep working all the time without ever stopping. It’s really insanely impossible to clear your schedule of a long list of tasks. Which makes people like me a little neurotic.

On the other hand, if you want to skip class and go to the beach on a Monday, you can. Or you can go on a Friday, when you don’t have class at all.

And then, since this is arts school, there’s always the idea that no matter how hard you work, no matter how many hours you put in, no matter how frantically you write and read and do everything right… you still may end up living in abject poverty and eating beans out of a can and sticking your head in an oven while you walk into a river with stones in your pockets and whiskey in your lungs as you topple off a bridge.

Oh, Sylvia, Virginia, and Mr. Berryman, we miss you so.

It’s a bad economy out there. Oddly enough, I think this gives us a chance to think about what we want to do and why we do the things we do: because going to law school or medical school or getting your MBA doesn’t guarantee you a job anymore. And if you do find a job, it might not pay what it would have five years ago. In some ways, this shitty economy has leveled the playing field. When MBAs are as devalued as MFAs, that also means…. the arts are as valued as business! Right? No? Please?

This post doesn’t really have a point. Except– except for this: when the earth is breaking and nuclear reactors are melting, and there’s a new emergency every single day, and so very few of us are going to earn any money anyway, we might as well stop delaying. Stop procrastinating. This is where I am both super realistic and dreamy, where people who know one side of me are surprised that I write poetry and people who know the other side are surprised by how quickly I type and how easily I organize. I try to be efficient with my time and my decisions and also be absurdly blind to life’s realities. It helps if you work hard at whatever you’re doing. And it helps to work hard if you like what you’re doing.

So. Write your novel. Go back to graduate school. Get engaged anyway, even though you don’t have the money to get married. Drink a bottle of wine with friends on a Tuesday. MAKE LIFE NICE.

And if you like your job and it pays you well, but you’re a little bored, dear god, stay where you are and plan an adventure for the weekend.

This post doesn’t have a point, and it’s not very funny. I’m about to take on a new project and I have six post-it notes with different to-do lists sitting next to me (I DO NOT HAVE A SMART PHONE AND I DON’T WANT ONE.) (Seriously, try crossing something out with a Sharpie. Do it. Today.) And it’s almost spring break and I’ve been planning a trip and also trying to schedule this summer and thinking about next year and the year after. And I’m feeling grateful for this life that lets me do all these things. Altogether, these things are making me want to sip coffee and stare out into the distance and not accomplish anything.

Or, you know, do EVERYTHING and CROSS IT ALL OFF but I can’t do that, because it’s life and it keeps going. Which is good.

Plus it’s spring. I’ll talk more about that tomorrow. And the good news is– because I can trust that most days I am efficient and have good time-management skills and that I work really hard– I can let myself blur out for a little while.

I wish you the same.


Things I Like on the Internet

13 Mar

Congratulations! It’s Sunday! Did you set your clocks back yet, because that was real confusing for me this morning.

I like that Tom Hanks entered his daughter on Toddlers & Tiaras [Jimmy Kimmel]

I like the Handsome Men’s Club. In case you’re wondering– that’s Josh Hartnett. Took me like five minutes and reading the comments. Where you been, Josh? [Jimmy Kimmel]

Sassy gay friend wants to talk to Nina from Black Swan. Let me tell you, her life could have been better if she had just had a sassy gay friend. [Refinery 29]

That’s it. I hated everything else on the Internet this week.



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