Dear Boys Who Think They Like Sassy Girls

25 Feb

Dear Boys Who Think They Like Sassy Girls,

We’re at this strange cultural moment where sarcasm, sass, and general uppity behaviors and poor attitudes are valued.

Bless us, because if we weren’t, I would probably be living in the woods in exile right about now or being given electric shock treatments.

This has resulted in boys thinking that they think sassy girls are sexy.

Yes, thinking that they think this. Or, you know, even thinking that they know what sass is.

I give you the following illustrative anecdote:

Jack met Jill at a party. Jack is a bit older than Jill, and they’re both young enough that “older” guys are still “cool” rather than “creepy.” Actually…Jack was in college at the time, and Jill was in high school, and maybe she thought he was cool rather than creepy? But I don’t. Whatever. This story came from Jack.

So anyway, they meet, and then they date. (Yawn.) Jack gives THIS as the reason for his attraction:

“I thought she was really cool, because when I asked for her phone number, she totally called me out! She said I was never going to use it, never going to call her. So then of course I had to.”


This story does not demonstrate Jill’s fierce nature or the idea that she is “cool”. It doesn’t say much about her, actually. But the fact that Jack thinks it makes her cool demonstrates that Jack is basically lame.

Because I can tell you right now, if he thinks that’s a challenge, he should try dating me.

Ex-boyfriends? Am I right?

Some boys actually do like sassy girls. Jack is not one of them. It’s fine! Jack can date “nice” girls the rest of his life. I put “nice” in quotes because “sassy” girls are / can also be “nice” girls. There’s a whole world in between sassy and mean.

The main problem with this whole scenario is that, instead of being able to just express what he actually likes about Jill, he has to designate her as “sassy”— which moves the rest of us over into the realm of being “mean.” It’s like the political parties. There’s a certain range which results in a nation-wide ideological game of tug-of-war, and when the left moves to the middle, the right moves farther to the right (MOVE BACK TO THE LEFT, LEFT, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD).

I’m willing to bet that Jack, confronted with true sass, thinks it’s pretty mean. Then he gets to say things like, “Well, I like sassy girls, and I don’t like you, so you must not be sassy. You must be a total bitch.”

This is because Jack sucks. And also, despite his proclaimed modernism, he holds very traditional views on what women should say and do.

Exhibit A: Jack thinks all girls sleep in babydoll nightgowns with bows and matching underwear. He was shocked to find out they don’t.

True story.


P.S. I am DEVASTATED that I was not there for that sleepwear / underwear conversation. I feel I could have made a valuable contribution.


One Response to “Dear Boys Who Think They Like Sassy Girls”


  1. Dear Online Dating Profiles « Dear Mr. Postman - 19 April 2011

    […] am glad guys really, really like to hear it. Just how sarcastic do you like it? Because it’s pretty spicy in this neck of the woods, […]

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