Dear Justin Bieber

18 Feb

Dear Justin Bieber,

Aw. I keep forgetting you’re Canadian. I have a soft spot in my heart for Canadians. I grew up in Seattle, which is pretty close to Canada, and probably has more in common with Vancouver than it does with San Diego. Also when I first moved down to San Diego, my neighbors across the hall were Canadian, and every time they ended a sentence with “eh?” I wanted to cheer.

They liked me anyway, I swear.

So! Justin, a couple of things. Your hair’s starting to look creepy. Like a shellacked Mountie helmet. I think you should start planning now for your eventual comeback, which is going to involve a makeover. Look to Justin Timberlake for inspiration.

  1. He’s Justin Timberlake.
  2. You have the same name for some reason?
  3. The kid came back from frosted tips and a faux Jew fro and went straight to bringing sexy back and dating Cameron Diaz. If that isn’t inspirational, I don’t know what is. Maybe you could date Blake Lively. Maybe that would be the equivalent. There’s something for you to look forward to.

There’s all this uproar over your comments on abortion, which I’ll get to in a minute. Let’s start, though, with this article from Wonkette which starts:

Canadian prime minister Justin Bieber revealed to the Rolling Stone website that America sucks for all kinds of reasons, not the least of which is the nation’s barbaric “health care system”

OH SNAP. Bieber’s main evidence that our health care sucks? His bodyguard’s baby was premature and he has to pay health care bills because of it. Now that is an example of a man still being connected to the PEOPLE, people.

So typical of Canadians to hate our health care system because we have to pay for things. It’s like they don’t even understand how America is supposed to work. Really un-American and that’s not acceptable.

Ok, fine, let’s talk Bieber’s quote about abortion, which Rolling Stone totally misquoted. Here’s what he really said, with the part that was omitted now in bold:

“I really don’t believe in abortion,” Bieber says. “It’s like killing a baby?” How about in cases of rape? “Um. Well, I think that’s really sad, but everything happens for a reason. I don’t know how that would be a reason. I guess I haven’t been in that position, so I wouldn’t be able to judge that.”

Look, guys, I get why people are up in arms about this. Believe me, I do. Bieber, like it or not, holds tween’s minds in some sort of vice grip of hairspray high. But I’m not likely to start forming my political opinions based on his, and frankly, I’m not sure tween/teen girls are either. You think they listen to him for his mind? You think they hear anything except “look at the hypnotic nature of my bangs” when he speaks? Also, you think they read Rolling Stone?

That’s beside the point. His quote, more than it says anything about abortion, demonstrates uncertainty. It shows doubt. CLEARLY IT SHOWS DOUBT: he says that it’s “like killing a baby” QUESTION MARK?

He gets stumped when the reporter pushes him further, and he wavers, and he acknowledges that he hasn’t been in that position and therefore cannot decide for other people. This is interesting and I think he should be credited for giving an emotionally generous and honest answer. It’s an answer that basically says, “I won’t choose for somebody else.” It’s an answer that may develop, a few years down the road, into “I’m not a woman, it’s a choice I will never have to face, and therefore I should not limit a woman’s choice or regulate her autonomy over her own body.”

Maybe it won’t. But he’s Canadian, so he won’t be voting on it in this country anyway. And chances are good that he will grow up to be a Canadian liberal, which is basically a communist, as I understand it.

Maybe Biebs could sell a lock of hair to fund our health care system.

Gross.

MM

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5 Responses to “Dear Justin Bieber”

  1. Carrie Moniz 23 February 2011 at 4:17 am #

    HAHAHAHA love it!

  2. Anonymous 17 October 2011 at 5:05 pm #

    Dear Justin Bieber,

    My name is Hawwah Erby im 9yrs old a 4th grader at highland oaks elm….im sooooo obssed with u i think u qnd selena make the best couple EVER!

  3. Anonymous 17 October 2011 at 5:30 pm #

    dear justinbieber, my name is hawwah erby im 9yrs old and i go to school at highland oaks ele….. and i luvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv u, i know every thin
    g about u, i relly luv ur music i know nobodys better than u, u know my birthday is dec.3 having a jb birthday party i hav all ur dolls and hey im on youtube go on hawwah singn beyo. and then you’ll see me but just write hawwah first but the music mess up well you’ll still see a pic of me.I Hav a sis she is 1yrs old,i live in memphis,tn im in the 4th grd. and i relly WISH i could meet u but i see ur too busy, xoxo ps.please please please write back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. Anonymous 17 October 2011 at 5:39 pm #

    Dear JB,i really don’t like selena g my mom wrote that i hope u get these!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PS.its hawwah

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Tweets that mention Dear Justin Bieber « Dear Mr. Postman -- Topsy.com - 19 February 2011

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Justin Bieber feed, Margaret Michelle. Margaret Michelle said: Dear Justin Bieber, Aw. I keep forgetting you’re Canadian. I have a soft spot in my heart for Canadians. Robin o… http://bit.ly/eBKOpb […]

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