Dear Awesome Facebook Status Updates

24 Jan

Dear Awesome Facebook Status Updates,

I’ve done some serious facebook bashing/mocking/whathaveyou in the past but I don’t think I’ve given full credit to the awesomeness that good facebook status updates deserve.  Someone should make a flip calendar out of these gems.  Case in point:


Followed by a friend’s helpful suggestion to leave a note inside for a potential future soulmate.

BRILLIANT. Would that not be the best ‘how we met’ story ever?  And for once Facebook would be partially responsible for bringing people together NOT in a creepy stalker way.

Also, it’s time I admit that I get most of my weather, sports, and world news from Facebook.  Although I have to admit, the world seems eerily focused on Seattle weather, Husky sports, and non-profit and literary news, in a way that doesn’t quite match my weather here in San Diego, these “Chargers” and “Steelers” and “Saints” other people talk about, and this lack of funding / complete apathy towards non-profits and literature I hear exists in this country—

but I only leave my house to go to used bookstores or to go to Whole Foods , so my bubble isn’t really burst when I get off my computer…isolation and selective exposure work both ways, people!  Don’t let the Tea Partiers have it all to themselves!  Make it your own! Run for office on a platform that people actually care about education and words and art and starvation and health care!  People will call you delusional.  They’ll say you don’t know the statistics, that you’re imbalanced.  Don’t listen!  Put poems on your websites and refuse to take them down!  Insist they make sense!

I assume everyone else’s FB is filled with status updates about the Huskies and avant-garde feminist poetry, too?  Non?

Also, without Facebook Status Updates and link sharing, how else would I find beautiful websites, such as Fuck Yeah! Ryan Gosling ?  And such beautiful articles as You Should Date An Illiterate Girl ?

My point is, my friend with the recalled poetry books may meet her soulmate through FB, or possibly through the note she’s going to leave in the book— which is old-fashioned and charming and something our grandmothers might have done and FB is completely unnecessary to the process and such opportunities are why Kindles are trying to destroy the world by killing our chances at reproduction— or maybe not.

But either way, Facebook: the new, updated, expanded vision of the old lady peering out her kitchen windows into the house next door, down the street, over the hill, across the city, judging and shaking her head and smiling when those two crazy kids finally video chat in person after months of “liking” each other’s status updates.  OH LOVE.  YOU SO CRAZY.




One Response to “Dear Awesome Facebook Status Updates”

  1. kolembo 24 January 2011 at 12:44 pm #

    Ok, great read! And thanks for Ryan Gosling! You seen Lars and the Real Girl?

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