Dear Changing Astrological Signs

14 Jan

Dear Changing Astrological Signs,

So I did some highly accurate and technical research last night, cross-referenced the major characteristics of the astrological signs, added 10, divided by 9.3, drank some sort of magical potion (I think it had vodka in it) and discovered that we’re all:

  • stubborn
  • loyal
  • practical yet mysterious
  • secretly want to be swept off our feet
  • and we’re all dreamers.

I also found that my server last night has no interest in astrological signs, because her boyfriend is into “all things space,” so he’s got “space” covered if they’re ever on Family Feud, so she’s concentrating her energies elsewhere. Smart girl.

Also, her mom, her cousin, and her brother will be on her team, and while she does not watch the show (LIAR), two out of the ten times she has, women have shouted various technical names for parts of male genitalia (“penis” in response to “What part of the body do men realize has changed by the time they reach age 40?” and “scrotum” in response to “At every annual exam, the doctor checks this”).

Seriously, whose first instinct is to shout “penis” on national television?  I mean, certainly many dream of such a thing; however, I feel it would be one of those situations where you would more likely go: ummm shoot there’s something…I wanted to…so funny…what would be funny if I shouted it…EARLOBE!  …Damn.

It was a very informative night.

And the advertising industry should really look into hiring astrologers, because of their fantastic ability to make things seem extremely individualized– hey that does sound like me! –while keeping them vague and general enough that everyone thinks it applies to them– wait, that sounds like you too?

I CAN’T BELIEVE WHEN WE’RE ALL STUBBORN WHEN WE WANT SOMETHING AND WE ALL WANT LOVE.  And that people take me more seriously when I present myself well, and I just feel more confident when I look good, and I can find clothes that fit me and it’s not shallow to take care of myself!

Oh wait, those are the lessons from What Not to Wear.

Sigh.  There’s wisdom everywhere.

MM

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One Response to “Dear Changing Astrological Signs”

  1. Carrie Moniz 23 February 2011 at 4:09 am #

    haha Maggie! I love your blog! and What Not to Wear is my guilty pleasure 😉

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