Dear New Year’s Resolutions

1 Jan

I only have two.  People accuse me of being an overachiever but I’ve found the best way to overachieve is to under-set goals.  Also, if I make New Year’s resolutions, I’m actually less likely to achieve whatever the things are, than if I just actually start something.  I get really contrary about new year’s resolutions.  My mind is all, “oh yeah?  think you can make me do that?  watch this” [commence actively not doing whatever it is just to prove a point].  It’s all about fooling yourself and self-denial.  Sneak attacks of self-improvement.

I’m really stubborn.

1.  Be less stubborn—hahaha no.  Just kidding.

For realsies #1: Floss.  Talk about low investment for high impact.  These are the best kind of resolutions.  The ones that get you a lot of bang for your buck.  Literally.  Floss is pretty cheap.  Dentists are not.

2.  Find out if I hate running as much as I used to.  No, my resolution is not simply to “run three times a week” or “run a half-marathon.”  It’s both much more complicated and much simpler than that.  It’s more complicated because it involves emotional assessment and deep, quiet reflection (obvs) and simpler because it’ll be pretty easy to find out if I hate running.  I’ll just do it once and see how much it makes me feel like yelling at inanimate objects.

I’m not committing to running regularly because— are you kidding me? If I actually do hate it as much as I used to, there’s no way I’m sticking to that for a year.  As best I can recall, running sucks.  It’s hard to breathe while you do it and it makes my achey-breaky joints ache and break.  Pfffft.  Life’s too short to torture yourself.  Especially when somebody decided that yoga counts as exercise.  Bless their sweet, deep-breathing heart.

That’s it.  Easy cheesy.  Two resolutions.  I might go start #1 right now, in fact.  Yeah.  That’s how much of a forward-thinker I am.  How self-motivated.  How committed to this new year and path of righteous self-fulfillment and proper dental hygiene.

What are your new year’s resolutions…and can I pretend they’re my own when people ask me?  Although, I have to say, flossing more came up at the bar table last night and it was universally agreed upon as a worthy goal.

Cheers,

MM

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2 Responses to “Dear New Year’s Resolutions”

  1. Mo Brock 1 January 2011 at 3:10 pm #

    Your blog reminded me of my mother’s consistent admonition to floss. And since she, at almost 92, still has pretty great teeth, maybe it’s time I listened. Thanks for the nudge.

  2. Gina 5 January 2011 at 5:03 pm #

    Hey! I didn’t make it a resolution per se, but I decided I better start flossing on the regular!

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