Dear New Bath Products

8 Dec

Dear New Bath Products,

It’s amazing what buying new bath products does for my outlook on life.  Even during finals week.  Even though I actually hate most scented products and can’t use them for more than a day before my nose and head and allergies and personal sense of not-wanting-to-smell-like-a-Barbie throw fits and stage mutinies and “accidentally” push those new products into the trash in a jealous rage.

Still, I buy new bath/shower something (made from baby panda tummy-warmth and shooting stars without harming any animals in the last small town in America without a Wal-Mart!) and I get into my shower…

and when I step out, and look in the wall-to-wall tiled mirror that some narcissistic crackhead who lived here before me installed in my bathroom, I’m disappointed.

Not that it’s disappointing to look like me….I mean…ok, whatever, I’m ok, I’ve got pretty good self-esteem, also the mirror is usually foggy so I don’t even really look, and usually I’m late to class, so I kind of skip all the rest of the steps of getting ready except for putting on clothes.

But I’m disappointed because I haven’t turned into Gisele. Because obviously that’s the reasonable outcome to expect from spending $6.99 on glorified soap.

I know I’m not alone in this.  I’m actually fairly low on the scale of beauty-product-obsession.  I’m almost not on the scale at all.  I bought a new brand of shampoo and conditioner for the first time in three years yesterday.  (I’m secretly hoping that it’ll make me into a redhead.  No, not through dying or chemicals …just…you know, accidentally/naturally.)

I have a friend who takes an hour to smell all the conditioners in the grocery store, drifting back and forth between the “natural” aisle and the commercial brands, sniffing and reading ingredients and sniffing.  Then she buys the first one she picked up.   And another friend is inexorably drawn into every drugstore on the street.  “Ooooh!  A Rite-Aid!” she says.

Anyway, I’m sure you’re all disappointed I’m not Gisele too.  On the other hand, I smell like “cotton blossom and white musk” today.  And tomorrow I’ll have Lindsay Lohan’s hair circa Mean Girls, so.  (I hope it doesn’t come with an addiction to something.  Lots of things.  Whatever.)



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: