Dear Comments on the Internet

3 Dec

Dear Comments on the Internet,

I pretty much do not read comments in response to anything.

(Except, of course, comments on this site, because you guys are hysterical and cool and your comments sound like the sweet dulcet tunes of a Whitney Houston ballad.)

There are a couple of reasons for this:

1.  Why would I care what a bunch of random strangers have to say in response to something?  I’m reading the article / blog / post / whatevs for the “expert” opinion of the author.  Or for the joke.  Or for the funny Venn diagram.

2.  Comments take one of two forms.

a.  For humor articles, they consist of this:

LOL!  LOLZZZZ!  AM PEEING MY PANTZ RIGHT NOW LOLZZZ SO EFFING FUNNY GOD YOU”RE GOD YOU”RE SO FUNNY SO GOOD EVEN MY CAT IS LLOL”ZING AND PEEING HER PANTZ ‘CUZ OBVS I MAKE MY CAT WEARS ZE PANTZ ESS A FRIDAY.

(Spelling and grammar don’t exist on Fridays, we all know this.  On the fifth day, God declared: you all shall spell like morons and laugh like hyenas and feel the need to inform people of that laughter via inane internet abbreviations that don’t actually shorten the word and pictures of your cats.  Excuse me, catz.)

b. For news articles, serious pieces, reporting of wonderful activist snarky posters, comments consist of things like this:

DEFUND all taxpayer supported colleges and universities and left them succeed on their own with their hat-filled, biased left-wing trash.

Those tax-funded, liberal, elite universities, so filled with hate….for other white people?  For God?  Man, I never knew…I went to one of those tax-funded, liberal, elite universities, and I mostly felt hate for the squirrels on campus.  So I guess it’s true.  Hate is hate.  And typos are typos.

This is the land of opportunity, not the land of guarantees. If you stupid libs think minorities have not have more help in taking advantage of those opportunities, then you are fools. Try that on someone else.
My family was poor and I grew up poor…I chose to study hard and go to school…I chose NOT to sink into despair and a life of crime. I worked hard and still do…nothing is given to me and I am sick and tired of jerks like you trying to make me feel guilty for my accomplishments.
Everyone has a CHOICE in this country…EVERYONE.

I’m assuming the person who wrote this is white, and that’s why s/he is “made to feel guilty” for their accomplishments.  I’d like to point out a few things.  Classism is a problem in this country.  Yes.  Good.  Ok.  Also.  If this person is white, and s/he has gone to school (albeit not one that taught s/he grammar) and “made good” and is no longer “poor,” then s/he has successfully changed her/his status in American eyes.  No one will ever “know” s/he grew up poor.

Whereas it’s kind of hard to hide your skin color.  And no one should have to hide their sexuality.  My point is: classism is terrible, yes, but changing your class status is possible.

P.S. it’s bullshit that “nothing is given to me”– this is why it’s called “invisible privilege”– because it’s so subtle that for all intents and purposes, it’s hidden.  Nobody said, “Oh, you’re working hard and you’re white so I’ll give you a promotion even though you don’t know how to use verbs.”  You are right, anonymous internet commenter: everyone has a choice.  Including you. Not to post this comment revealing your own ignorance.

P.P.S.  The original poster: “White Privilege: I got into Stanford without having my peers suspect that I only got in because of my race”

Commenter: “If you stupid libs think minorities have not have more help in taking advantage of those opportunities, then you are fools.”

….Whose point are you trying to make?

these kinds of terms are divisive. Why can’t gays and minorities just get along with white people?

GUYS.  Why can’t gays and minorities just get along with white people?

Oh wait…wait!  I know.  It’s like, maybe if slaves just tried to like their lifestyle, they would be happier.

No, that’s unfair of me.  No, wait.  Oh, hell.  Sigh.  These things are just so complicated to figure out.  I might have to think about my own life and how my actions affect other people, and systems and institutions, and the daily, subtle reinforcement of cultural norms and all the different ways that people are made to feel oppressed…  I better just leave a comment on the internet.  Preferably with a typo.    That oughta do it.

This is what I get for reading FOX news online.  Liberal hippie commie elite news media.

One last one:

And this is a “premire” school ? ?…………..You can tell it’s “run” by liberal dolts,…………….. It’s totally “f’ked up”

Who wrote that?  Joey Tribbiani?

My point is I don’t read comments on the internet because they fill me with rage.  Good thing I believe in gun control or I probably would have shot the internet by now.

MM

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One Response to “Dear Comments on the Internet”

  1. jerry kurl 3 December 2010 at 3:55 pm #

    Yeah most times comments do not paint a rosy picture of the overall intelligence level or our species.

    However, I find do fascinating what the veil of anonymity does to our social filters as well as threshold for becoming irritated.

    “Ill kick ur ass deeznuts42!! Ur a moran!”

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