Dear Jennifer Grey

11 Oct

Dear Jennifer Grey,

I don’t think it’s fair that you’re on Dancing with the Stars, because CLEARLY Patrick Swayze taught you everything you need to know about dance:

And your references to how easy Nicole would find the dance moves feels a little like a repeat of you being jealous of the blond chick who was a professional dancer (Nicole Scherzinger = Pussycat Dolls = also a professional dancer = also unfair she was on DWTS), the one who got knocked up (blond chick in the movie not Nicole) and then had a back-alley abortion and that’s why you got to dance with P. Swayz in the first place.  Even if saving her is what got you in trouble with your father and revealed to everyone what a deceitful little dancer you were.

DANCING IS SINFUL, guys, in case you didn’t know (and as far as sins go, I highly recommend it).  If you’re confused, watch Footloose and Dirty Dancing and Grease:




Also I’m still a little traumatized by your different nose.  It’s not bad, it’s just different.  And I liked your nose!  Maybe because it helped me like my nose a little more.  But now it’s gone.  Sigh.

That’s all.  Good luck with DWTS!


PS– How sick are you of hearing, “Nobody puts Baby in a corner”? RIGHT?  (Sorry.)


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