Dear License Plate “R U EZ”

22 Aug

Dear License Plate “R U EZ”,

For the sake of argument, let’s say that I am EZ and that you are too.  Let’s also say that I’m the type of EZ attracted to people with vanity license plates asking me about it.  Now what are we going to do?  Here I am, sitting behind you at the stoplight on the freeway off-ramp, and my, your black BMW is awfully shiny…and there’s that invitation, right there on your rear end (snicker)…

But wouldn’t I have to be both EZ and QCK in order to make something happen before the light changes?  I mean, I’m guessing your fancy car has automatic locks and all, so I can’t even just slide in and leave my car to block traffic.  Should I follow you for a while and see if you stop at a 7-11? And maybe you need to buy some Cheetos so you go into the store and then I could park my car and tie my t-shirt up in a knot above my belly button (that’s the right outfit for this, right? Tim Gunn? Can I get a ruling?) and display myself on your windshield like a hood ornament!  That would be great!

Hopefully, when you come out of the store, I won’t have to blatantly point at your license plate to explain my presence.  That would just be awkward.

Email me here if you get this since the light changed and you were gone in a flash, leaving me to regret that split second when I questioned my impulse to hurl myself out of the car into oncoming traffic because you just seem like such a great catch…



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