Dear Jessica Biel

6 Oct

Dear Jessica Biel,

I should probably start by saying I haven’t actually read a single thing about you getting dumped by Justin Timberlake.

I did, however, see a magazine cover while I was waiting in line at the Rite Aid from about seven feet away. It included highlights such as: Justin dumps Jessica over the phone! And, She won’t let go!

a) Ouch. Over the phone? I mean, can’t a girl get a video chat in this day and age? I’m sorry.

b) I understand why it’s hard to let go. It’s always hard to let go. No matter what. Harder, probably, to let go, when the person in question is Justin “Best Recovery Ever From Frosted Tips” Timberlake.

c) That being said, it’s best for all of us if you let go. I find you shockingly uninteresting and the only thing I know that you’ve done since 7th Heaven (…talk about a misleading title…) is Summer Catch.

d) Justin, call me!

e) I highly recommend the cliche of a pint of ice cream and Sex and the City reruns. Though I know people who prefer to work out after a break-up, and that’s cool too if it’s your thing (I do not understand this, but like I said, I’m supportive.)




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