Dear People at the DMV

8 Sep

Dear People at the DMV,

Please cover your mouths when you cough. Not with your hand. With your elbow or sleeve or possibly a sanitation mask with bacteria-killing properties.

Please do not try to talk to me unless you have tips on how to cut in line or where there is anti-bacterial soap. Please do not try to look at my paperwork or ask me questions about why I have a Washington state driver’s license or why it is designed the way it is or if you have filled out your own paperwork correctly or why you have to provide the DMV with such annoying information such as your name and where you live. Please do not go ahead, reach over, and touch my license or my paperwork with the fingers you just coughed a very phlegmy cough onto just because you are sitting next to me. Please.

Please don’t smell like poop or scratch an open sore on your neck. In fact, please shower and brush your teeth before coming. Please listen to the directions you are given and then–only then– ask questions. Try to ask pertinent questions. Don’t be curious about how the DMV runs. It doesn’t matter. Do some online research if you must. I don’t care. But don’t ask the nice lady who is about to motion me up to the counter why that form is the way it is and whether or not she enjoys her job.

Please do what the rest of us do: show up, shut up, sit down if you can, and keep your hands and eyes on your own paperwork. This isn’t playgroup. This isn’t even the farmers market.

Thank you,



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