Dear 3OH!3 “Don’t Trust Me”

5 Aug

Dear 3OH!3 “Don’t Trust Me”,

I’d like to chat about some of your lyrics. These ones, in particular:

“Shush girl / Shut your lips / Do the Helen Keller / And talk with your hips”

Catchy, I know, congratulations, you rhymed and everything. But let’s go back to basics:

FIRST, this is inaccurate. Helen Keller talked with her HANDS not her HIPS and she does not deserve to be denigrated this way.

SECOND, this is OBSCENELY OFFENSIVE to women. “Shut your lips”? In the words of Steve Martin, Excuuuuuuuuuuse me? I mean, come on. To anyone who thinks the feminist movement is no longer necessary, that we live in some sort of post-sexism world, that Hillary Clinton’s race for president was not affected by her gender, that just because we’ve acknowledged that Barbie’s body is physiologically impossible in real life we’ve moved beyond “women’s issues,” take a gander at lyrics that tell women to SHUT UP and MOVE THEIR HIPS and then Get Back To Me Later.

Now, if Shakira wants to share with us all the very interesting and artistic fact that her hips don’t lie, that’s a different matter. If she wants to use anthropormorphism in her song lyrics, that’s her business. Also, she’s saying nothing about her ability to speak/not speak/desire to speak in general, and she’s personally proclaiming something about herself to the world. As an individual, she has the right to claim who she is, as loudly or quietly as she wants, and with as few or as many body parts as she wants. Plus, hips should be celebrated, and they are sexy, and if there is ever an appropriate place to speak with them (lie or small talk or otherwise), it is the dance floor.

In fact, as far as I’m concerned, women can use their lips, their hips, and whatever else they want to make themselves heard.

But man, oh man, it is past time for men to be telling women to shut up. Or “shush / shut your lips” or whatever chauvinistic, godawful phrasing you are trying to pass off as SEXY?!?!?

WHAT THE HELL. NOT SEXY. NOT INTERESTING. STOP.

And if you’re not trying to be sexy, and you’re just oh-so-sincere in your desire for some peace and quiet so you can watch the game, I hope your TV lands on your left pinky toe. (I like to be specific in my wishes.)

And I am not even giving you a cheers.

MM

PS– Friend S says, “Oh, my hips have been giving me such trouble!”

Quick draw Kate responds, “Why? Have they been lying to you?”

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