Dear Weasels

9 Jul

Dear Weasels,

Where, oh where, have you gone? Shouldn’t you be among our oxymoronic “city wildlife” of raccoons and squirrels and opossums (seriously, why the O? Why?) and other things that carry rabies ‘n’ shit? (Phrase trademarked by MM 2005, back off Kanye it’s mine).

I’m not even sure I know what you look like! Do you live in holes? Seriously, weasels, considering that you’re supposedly a pretty common North American creature, your info is sparse. Are you related to the badger?

I mean, ok, there’s the one song, “Pop! …goes the weasel” (creative punctuation by me) but it’s not even a weasel that pops out of the scary little wind-up box, it’s a clown, and it’s even called a jack-in-the-box, not a weasel-in-the-box. And while overly familiar, I’m not even sure it counts as a song. Are there other words besides the title?

You really need a new publicist.

I mean, even your most common reference– “kind of weasel-y” isn’t a stellar recommendation.

What the hell, weasels. Get it together.


PS– ok, ok, I looked it up on Wikipedia (nobody can say that I don’t do my research):

The most common 2 verses are these:

Half a pound of tuppenny rice,
Half a pound of treacle.
That’s the way the money goes,
Pop goes the weasel.
Every night when I get home
The monkey’s on the table,
Take a stick and knock it off,
Pop goes the weasel.

The rest sometimes include but ARE NOT LIMITED TO:

All around the mulberry bush (or cobbler’s bench)
The monkey chased the weasel;
The monkey thought ’twas all in fun, (or “’twas all in good sport”) (or “that it was a joke”)
Pop! goes the weasel.
A penny for a spool of thread,
A penny for a needle—
That’s the way the money goes,
Pop! goes the weasel.
Jimmy’s got the whooping cough
And Timmy’s got the measles
That’s the way the story goes
Pop! goes the weasel.
All around the vinegar jug
The monkey chased the weasel;
The monkey pulled the stopper out,
Pop! goes the weasel.
I’ve got no time to wait aside,
No time to sit and bide my time,
I’m off for now. Hello, Goodbye!
Pop! goes the weasel.
Mixer Masker Doodley Doo
This is what the turtles doo!
Mixer Masker Doofey Fong
This is the good old Turtley song!

I can’t say that any of this has helped with my confusion/general poor associations with weasels.

Though I was interested to learn that “all around the mulberry bush”– clearly another song from my childhood I do not know all the lyrics to, since I thought that was about it, and I believe I finished with “and all fall down” which obviously is just an adaptation of “Ring Around the Rosie” (now there’s a creepy song)– is perhaps associated with “Pop! …goes the weasel” (yes, the creative punctuation is still mine and I’m sticking with it) and perhaps even one and the very same.

The things we learn as we grow older and wiser and allow the interwebs to educate us.

And children’s songs to return to haunt us.


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