Dear Theme Parties

22 Jun

Dear Theme Parties,

You are a lot of work.

And usually entail spending money to prepare a “costume” or “appropriate dress” of some sort.

And while I love being dressed appropriately– really, for almost all occasions– sometimes, it is hard enough to put on clothes-that-are-not-sweatpants and leave the house for a social event.

Much less find Seventies clothing (a tangerine orange dress, check), Eighties wear (a backless pink number with huge shoulders, reminiscent of a drunken real estate agent at her dr. husband’s networking party), a Cowgirl outfit (oh please so taken care of), a Flapper/Great Gatsby/Mafia something (check check and checkmate), British Garden Party formality (2 points for bow ties and hats with gigantic flowers! check…) or Bollywood-worthy sparkles (by this time next month…che-eck.)

I guess maybe, actually, I have most situations covered. Against my will. Due to friends and relatives with overzealous enthusiasm for theme parties. And a basement with ample storage space.

But I do NOT endorse such things. I DON’T. Although I am trying to convince a certain someone in my life to make his birthday Hipster themed to see if it makes his friends’ heads explode. In their attempt to mock themselves without acknowledging their own hipster status (hipster rule numero uno: never admit you are a hipster. hate all other hipsters with a equal amount of disdain and condescending humor).

And wearing leggings as pants for one night just sounds like an experience of this decade I ought not to miss and yet cannot attempt without the safe cover of a Theme Night.

But after that, they are definitely banned from my life. Definitely. Oh, and the Bollywood party. After that.




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