Dear Britney Spears

6 Mar

Dear Britney Spears,

Things you (almost) never hear people say:

1. Ugh, I can’t believe I was such a good mother to my children and raised them so well.

2. What was I doing, being sober and wearing shoes in gas station bathrooms all those years?!?

3. I’m really glad I married that asshat Kevin Federline.

Glad to see you’re (maybe?) on the road to recovery. Or at least that whoever you are letting run your life now is doing a better job.

I wouldn’t, if I were you– and I say this in the nicest way possible– marry anybody else. For a while. Just take a break.

Best wishes,



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