Dear Graduate Office at (blank) University

12 Jan

Dear Graduate Office at (blank) University,

I am sorry to hear you have not received my letters of recommendation/transcripts/entire application/first-born child. According to the UPS tracking number, somebody at your address of 600 Dead-Civil-Servant Building on Tree-Lined Lane signed for the documents/child on December 12, 2008.

Please let me know if you would like me to resend the information. I am happy to wrest another tree out of the forest, sand it into the non-existent paper size of your exact specifications, and seal the envelope with a blood sample for identification purposes.

I would also like to donate another $25 in mailing costs towards the cause of helping you find your own toes (mailed 12/08/08, UPS Tracking Number: Your Mom).

Sincerely,
MM

PS– For any admissions officers reading this, of course I don’t mean your university. Your admissions process was like floating on a cloud over a cool, calm lake on a sunny May day.

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