Dear People Who Hate People Who Read Trashy Magazines

18 Nov

Dear People Who Hate People Who Read Trashy Magazines,

I understand that celebrity gossip addiction is a terrible thing. Really, I do. It causes a slowdown in grocery lines (although true addicts just pick it up and go, or have it delivered to the house. It’s those of us who can’t admit we want to stare at those glossy pictures that stall in line). Other symptoms include the inability to have a conversation without referencing television, movie, or true-life! storylines, and referring to people you have never met as intimately as if they are dear friends (Well, it’s like Gwynnie said, you really just can’t have it all…).

Worst of all, it’s often accompanied by a compulsion to shorten real, dictionary words down to single letters (omg) or nicknames (obvi), and to squish real, individual names together. This has resulted in several catastrophes for the English language. Brangelina, Bennifer, TomKat. The fact that OMG, SJP in SATC! makes complete sense to almost any woman (and most men) between the ages of 15 and 35 is just not okay. There’s also J. Lo, J. Lo. Hew, ScarJo, and LiLo. WTF.

So I feel your pain. I get it, I do. Celebrity gossip addiction (CGA or celebrigossiction) is dangerous, not only to those addicted, but to the people around them.

I’m a former English major! I’ve got a thing about words, I promise you. But when you walk around the world yelling about how much you hate people you read trashy magazines, well…

First of all, I don’t believe that you’ve never picked one up yourself.

Second, several of my very best friends read trashy magazines on a consistent (and proud) basis, and please watch how you talk about people I love.

Third, what the hell else am I supposed to read when I wait in line at the grocery store or go get my hair cut? Sometimes a girl needs to piece of trash, and 14 different fonts on a page, and some validation that celebrities drop food on themselves when they try to eat and walk. (See the Just Like Us! page from Us Weekly. Amazing, every time. They pick up their mail, and take the kids with them to the mall, and walk their dogs! It’s like they’re people?)

Finally, being pop-culture savvy is not an invaluable skill in this society. My friend K has used her gossip addiction to chitchat during interviews, bond with her boss in the elevator, and make new friends within minutes in a city where she doesn’t know anyone. Not that I’m advocating it as a professional skill, I’m just saying. Don’t become obsessed, but there’s no reason to be left out of the conversation. And quit hating on the people who can’t stop reading. That’s like hating all people who read books without pictures. Stage a gentle intervention, with an eye towards moderation, and pick out what dress you would like to wear to the Oscars when you confiscate their stack of glossies.

Love,

MM

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One Response to “Dear People Who Hate People Who Read Trashy Magazines”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Dear Kindle Readers « Dear Mr. Postman - 9 August 2010

    […] And yes, with a Kindle, I too could avoid being judged when I want to read trash in public.  (And sometimes a girl needs to read a little trash. Why else do you think we get haircuts so often and it takes us so […]

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