Dear Economic Manly Men

3 Nov

Dear Economic Manly Men,

I hope you are pleased with yourselves. And I hope you know that I don’t enjoy speaking to you as if your baseball just broke my window, but your baseball just hit a fault line and the foundations of every house on that fault line seem not to be strong, but to have crumbled. And your daddies built those houses that the rest of us live in. So let’s have a chat about the principles you learned at baseball camp and they learned in building school.

Trickle Down? Are you kidding me?

You don’t water plants by sprinkling a few drops on the very tops of the leaves. You water the roots, the very lowest parts of the plants and the water moves up, nourishing everything along the way—

And speaking of faulty systems, you measure a diaper emergency by the smell of poo, not by the picture of Winnie-the-Pooh dancing on the waistband. That is, you waited to change the diaper until the baby played with it and smeared the poo over the picture of Pooh? The runaway carriage of The Rich’s income away from that of the poor wasn’t signal enough? Smell the poo, economic manly men!

I was so disappointed by your poor decisions—where are your mothers?—that I pulled out my behavioral books to see if I could find something helpful. Hélène Cixous, as always, had something to say on the subject (the French always know what to say about food, fashion, and men), “man, who holds so dearly to his titles and his pouches of value, his cap, crown, and everything connected with his head,” cannot afford to let any one thing slip out of his greedy little hands for fear he will lose everything. That’s what this is about? Fear of castration? Well, guess what: you just caught yourself in your own zipper. (It’s like the cookie jar analogy but better.)

Now, boys, let’s give somebody else a try. Let’s not just flip the house upside down—I know it worked for Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle, but who really wants an upside down house with the same poor layout and too-few bathrooms?—no, let’s remodel, and build the baseball field facing away from the houses, and the houses not on fault lines. Revolutionary! It’s the other side of the Trickle Down theory—if we start from the bottom and move up, we’ll take everyone with us. Come now, manly men, try your strength at another game. Play Red Rover Red Rover, there are no limits on how many can play, and there’s a continual exchange, and everyone holds hands and it’s in your best interest not to let the person next to you fall down.

Please learn to share. Time-out is still an option.

MM

PS- Virginia Woolf says that, “Rich people, for example, are often angry because they suspect that the poor want to seize their wealth.” (John, nobody’s trying to take your sand castle. You can come in for a snack.)

[Hélène Cixous: Laugh of the Medusa 270]
[Virginia Woolf: A Room of One’s Own 34]

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2 Responses to “Dear Economic Manly Men”

  1. skhor 3 November 2008 at 12:53 pm #

    love the economic meltdown = dirty diaper analogy. kinda gross but graphically demonstrates the point….

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Dear Online Dating Profiles « Dear Mr. Postman - 19 April 2011

    […] answer this with “man skills”: I’m good at sawing up shit and pounding nails and building log cabins. RAWR. And then girls can be all: I’m known for my pies two counties over! I’m […]

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